Allison’s Roadmap to Success- Tip#2; Just Say No
In my years of coaching entrepreneurs, and homeopathic clients, I have found that one of their biggest roadblocks they struggle with is a fear of uttering the small but might word, ‘No’ when they need to most. Instead, they often say ‘yes’, to everyone and everything, EXCEPT what they truly want and need to focus on. The result- many entrepreneurs become burned out and frustrated and end up with feelings of futility and defeat. I observe their energy being dispersed and diluted rather than focusing on themselves and their goals or passions. When I first meet them, they often say, ” I make all these great plans to have the day to myself to spend on my projects, but then the kids need this, my husband or friends need that, or this unexpected project needs special attention, and then once again, “my plans are thrown on the back burner.”
As I am mentoring my clients I help them get clarity on their ‘True Choice’, what they really WANT to do with their time. And they realize that many of these extra obligations are exercised out of guilt rather than desire, leaving their personal goals and dreams suppressed and unfulfilled. When it is not your true choice, but a choice made out of guilt or feelings of obligation, overtime this will create resentment, and on a deeper level, depression and illness.
To reach the goals and dreams that I know you want to attain, NO needs to start becoming one of your higher ranking keywords. I am not saying to drop all of your responsibilities and go have a party. (Okay, maybe I am saying that. ) I know you love spending time with your family and friends. This is obviously extremely important. But if you don’t make ample time for yourself and your business, you will be so frustrated and restless that when you are with your loved ones, you often won’t be very present.
In order to complete your projects, put your big ideas out into the world and create your ultimate life, you must become skilled in saying this powerful, yet little word, that packs a big punch towards building up your confidence, self-esteem and clarity. That word is, NO! That “No Factor” is the ability to speak your mind, tactfully and kindly, yet clearly, from your space of true choice. Don’t waste your time feeling guilty, and don’t be concerned with what others will think about your choices in life. You need to become ruthless with your boundaries when practicing to say NO.
Most women feel saying no stretches their limits and find it extremely challenging. Women are naturally most comfortable as nurtures and caretakers and ultimately want to be liked by everyone around them. This tends to cause patterns of saying yes to please, not themselves, but everyone around them. When you say yes to your children, partners, friends, everyone else is getting taking care of and no time or energy is left to manifest the big, brilliant ideas waiting patiently for your attention, so they keep getting pushed aside. Saying yes to someone else, especially on a deep level of dislike, is ultimately saying no to yourself.
Allison’s Success Roadmap Tip #2: Practice saying no to yourself in the mirror. I know this will feel silly and awkward and first, but, you’ll get over it. Do this everyday when you have some private time until it feels completely comfortable to you. Then the next time someone asks you to do something, respond by saying, “Let me get back to you on that.” This gets you off the hook for the moment and prevents an impulsive answer. Get in touch with how you feel about your choice, imagine yourself doing this task and and see how it feels in your body and your heart. Use these feelings to help you make your decision.
When my daughter was about 7 years old, I was stretched to the max supporting so many people, except myself. I paid for it dearly in an accident that almost took my life. After this time, I got much clearer about what was important to me and I stopped saying YES to what wasn’t. Saying NO gave me freedom like I had never experienced before. When you begin the practice of saying no, and setup clear boundaries with your time and your availability, you will be surprised to see that people will begin to respect you even more. Yes, some will be upset, but in the big picture, you will inspire others, even your families, by fulfilling your passion. You are your biggest investment, if you desire a fuller life, and have yearnings to reach your dreams, start saying YES to yourself!
What are you going to say ‘YES’ to in your life that is going to move you closer to your goals and desires right now? I’d love to hear from you!